Even if it is only one person to live for
by Aiden86
Summary: This story is basically about Jess
1. The possible end to a life

Jess was lying on his bed looking at his window. It was raining outside. Rain. He had always loved the rain. He always thought that with it, something new started. It was like everything bad was being washed away.

And that´s what he needed right now.

Nothing was like it should have been. Life was hell and there was nothing that could change that. Only 16 year old and his life seemed to be on its end. Why was he still here? There was nothing for him out there.

He found himself walking slowly toward the window and opened it. Now, he was just a few inches away from the end of his life. But still, couldn´t take his sight from the rain. If he could only dare to do it, the rain would wash him away too, and with him, all of his memories. But there was something to live for. Or better, someone. It was Sidney.

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	2. A little morning conversation

**A/N Special thanks to XunspokendisasterX and JavaJunkie-GSR who supported me with this. Love you.**

_Thanks to all who reviewed. Please keep it!_

_I´ll have some grammar errors maybe, but that´s because english isn´t my first language!_

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After the suicide incident he went to sleep. Killing yourself was very exhausting. It didn´t take him long to fell asleep. 

He had a bad nightmare. But what really was bad, was the way he woke up. The only thing he felt was cold water in his face.

"Whoa, what the hell is going on?" he yelled. There was no one in his bedroom. He looked a little bit down. "Geez baby why did you do this?" he asked Sidney.

"I tried to wake you up, but you just ignored me, so I decided to splash some cold water in your face." the little boy responded. "And why did you want to wake me up? It´s early."-"I want you to read something to me!" Jess watched amused as Sidney tried to pull a book out of the shelf. He was to small to get the book he wanted.

That was when Jess stood up and went to the shelf, grabbing Sidney under his arms and put him up, so the little boy could get the book. Jess could have get the book himself, but then Sidney woul have been mad. Sidney tried to be independent, something that was surprising for such an early age. "Hemmingway huh." murmured Jess. "Yeah I like him, because he has only lovely things to say about you" Jess was amazed about the deep thoughts Sidney already had.

They sat down on the bed. "Can I sit on your lap?" Sidney asked shyly, afraid for the answer he may could get. "Sure you can." So Sidney climbed on his lap and Jess began to read. After an hour of reading Sidney fell asleep. Jess looked down to the little boy in his arms. God the kid meant everything to him. He loved him to death. "Have a nice sleep baby, I love you." He placed Sidney softly on his bed and gave him a soft kiss on his forhead. He then laid himself next to Sidney, holding the kid in his arms again. Slowly he drifted back to sleep too. It was only 6 in the morning, not the time to get up yet.

Two hours later, both of them were awake again. "Morning sleepyhead." Jess said to Sidney. "What are we doing today? I want to go to the park, and to the movies and I want some candy and..."-"Wow, slow down kid. So the park it is. I can read something and you can play with some random kids."-"I don´t want to play with random kids. I want to spend time with you." Jess smiled at Sidney.

"You´re a strange kid, you know."-"Yeah I know, but you love me."-"Huh, you´re ok." Jess had a huge smirk on his face. "You can be so mean." Sidney pouted. "I know." With that both were getting ready for the park.

Jess magically felt better today. The little conversation with Sidney was good for him. He would live for him. Even if it was only one person to live for. This person was worth it all.

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please review again and I´ll love you forever! 33 


	3. Johnny Rotten is in the house

Haha, I love you all. I´m really happy that you all like the fic.

And a special thanks to XunspokendisasterX, who helped me, again.

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When they arrived at the park, Jess and Sidney played some hide and seek. After an hour of playing, they sat down to eat something.

"Do you hear that too?" Sidney asked Jess.

"What do you mean?"

"There is a noise behind the bushes. It sounds like an animal or something." Jess carefully listened.

"Yeah you´re right, maybe we should go and look what it is."

They stood up and walked behind the bushes. There stood a man with a bag in his hand. The noise defenitely came from this bag. With one move the man threw the bag in the water and went away. Jess wanted to follow him, but had to take care for the animal first. The little thing was fighting for its life, Jess could hear that. So he jumped in the water to save it.

"Be careful." Sidney screamed. After coming out of the lake, soaking wet, Jess put the bag to the ground to look what an animal it was inside there. And if it was still alive.

"Meow." There was a little kitten inside.

"Wow, it´s so cute, can we keep it? Please please!" Sidney begged. Jess looked at the kitten, that tiny thing.

"We should keep it warm the little thing is freezing to death." And with that Jess took the kitten in his arms and softly pressed it to his chest, to spread some warmth. "The kitten needs a name." Jess figured.

"Oh oh I have one, we could name it Johnny Rotten, that would be so cool." said Sidney.

Jess thought about it a few seconds, until the kitten bit in his finger. "Ouch, that cat is dangerous. But I think Johnny Rotten it is, it matches with its attitude." After all the kitten was really cute. And Jess had a big heart for animals.

"I want to hold it too." Sidney said. Jess handed him the kitten. "Haha, look it licks my arm" Sidney laughed and Jess raised an eyebrow.

"Huh, Johnny Rotten is a mean kitten. First he bit me and now he is licking your arm. What do you have that I don´t have?"

"I´m nicer than you, at least sometimes, I think."

Jess looked defeated at Sidney. "I already told you that you are a strange kid today, didn´t I?"

"Yes, but if I am strange, you would be strange too, because I am your kid and have your genes."

"Huh." Jess responded."Come on we should go home and get something to eat for Johnny Rotten." He spoke again. "Okay, but I´m taking him."

"Yeah yeah whatever."

They walked out of the park, not realizing that they were followed by a mysterious woman. She followed them all the way home, and when the boys went inside, she hide behind a tree. From were she stood, she could easily watch Jess and Sidney. That was what she did for the last 3 weeks. They never noticed her and that was good.

Because there was no place for her in their lifes anymore. And today was the day, when she would finally say goodbye.

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Reviews will be appreciated. 


	4. I just wanted to say goodbye

So here is the 4 chapter! Hope you like it! Love you all!

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It was warm in the room, so Jess decided to open the window. That was when he realized that SHE stood there. He was frozen in shock. He wanted to move but he couldn´t. A moment later the doorbell rang. Jess went to open the door. And there she stood. Kathy. 

"Nice to see you again Jess." Kathy said after entering the apartment.

"What do you want here?"

"I just wanted to see you. And him."

Jess was confused. Why was she really here? After all this time.

"How are you two? Everything seems to be alright. You have a lot of fun together."

"How would you know that?"

"Who is there daddy?" Sidney yelled from their room.

"No one special baby, just an old friend. Go play again." Kathy felt a bad pain in her heart. 'No one special' she thought.

"You never answered my question!"

"What?" Jess pulled her out of her thoughts.

"I said you never answered my question. I want to know how you would know if Sidney and me have a lot of fun together. You were never there."

"You have no idea." she mumbled.

"What do you mean?" Jess asked even more confused than before.

"I watched you the last 3 weeks, so I could at least be a little part in your life."

"You followed us?"

"Yes."

"Every day?"

"Yeah."

"Everywhere?"

"Hell yes Jess. I followed you every day and everywhere in the last 3 weeks, to make sure that both of you are okay." she explained and Jess features softened.

"You could have talked to us, Kathy. Why didn´t you say anything?"

"I´m not part of your life anymore Jess, there is no room for me. And it hurts to see how much you love him, when you never actually loved me. And I hate myself for thinking that. I´m jealous of him. I always wanted you to love me, but you never have." She had tears in her eyes now.

"I really love you Kathy, but not in the way you want me to." Jess whispered softly.

"That´s not enough for me and you know that. But could I see Sidney please?"

"Yeah sure, after all he is your son too." They went in the bedroom.

"Is this your old friend daddy?" Sidney asked shyly. Jess opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by Kathy.

"I´m not an old friend, I´m your mommy Sidney and I wanted to see you." Kathy answered his question before Jess could say something.

"You are my mommy?"

"Yes, I am."

"Why were you never there?"

"I didn´t belong with the two of you. It will always be you and your daddy. There is no room for me baby boy. But I want you to know that I always loved you." She began to cry.

"Why are you crying mommy?"

"Because I could see you and your daddy again before I go."

"Huh." Sidney didn´t know what to say, so he mimicked the line which his father used so every often.

"Jess could I talk to you outside please?"

"Sure why not.Will be right back baby, be nice." Jess patted Sidney on the head and kissed his forhead. He had a really bad feeling. Something was gonna happen tonight, he thought. Now after the were standing outside, Kathy began to speak.

"Please always take care of him and love him with all your heart. I want what´s best for him, and the best he´ll have when he stays with you."

"But you could see him too sometimes." Jess said.

"No hun, I made my desicion." And with that she pulled a gun out of her bag and hold it against her head.

"Kathy you can´t do that." Jess paniced.

"I already told you, I made my desicion. I just wanted you to know that I love you and that I wanted to say Goodbye to you and Sidney. Now that I have done this, I can go."

She mouthed a little 'I love you' to him and pulled the trigger. Pang! That was when Kathy fell lifeless to the ground. Jess couldn´t do anything. He just stood there, motionless. Hell what happened to his life?

"Daddy what was that?" Sidney asked from inside the house, but couldn´t see Kathy.

"Stay inside please, I´ll be there soon." That were the last words before he past out from the shock and fell to the ground next to Kathy.

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Don´t kill me please! please review! 


	5. Traumatized

Thanks for your reviewing. I really love that.

Flashbacks in _italic_.

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A week after Kathy had killed herself, Jess was still in shock. He just couldn´t understand the whole thing. Was she really this desperate? Was it his fault? Should he had to try to find her? God this was too much for him. It seemed like he´ll never have a clear head again. He had so much memories on his mind. Especially the day when he first met her. She looked like someone who was just as broken as he was. He wondered what her story was.

_"Hey kid, you shouldn´t hang out here. It´s not the place for little boys." Jess turned around and looked at the girl who just had said this. _

_"Who said this?" Jess asked._

_"Kathy. My name is Kathy." The girl smiled at him._

_"Okay Kathy, leave me alone and deal with your own business."_

_"Ouch. Such harsh words from a 10 year old boy."_

_"I turned 11 a month ago." Jess said frustrated. _

_"Haha okay, 11. But still too young to hang out here. Come on, I´ll take you home."_

_"Noooo. I´m not going home." Kathy was surprised by the kid´s outburst._

_"Why not?" she asked him._

_"Because it is even more dangerous at home then out here." he said bitterly._

_Kathy was worried about the kid, she had to find out what´s happening with the boy. "Hmm okay, but let´s go somewhere else, where it´s warm. Because you look like you´re freezing to death. How long are you even out here?"_

_"The whole night."_

_"You where here the whole night?" Kathy asked shocked. _

_Jess only nodded. Now she really had to find out why the kid not wanted to go home. What happened to him that he was afraid like this? OMG, maybe the kid was really hurt? Should she take him to the hospital? She had so many thoughts on her mind. But the only thing she knew for sure was that she had to take care of him. After all he was still a lost little boy._

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Hope you like it. I know it´s a short chapter, but I wanted to know your thoughts before I go on with it.

So please review and I promise I´ll update as soon as possible.


	6. Flashback

_Sorry that it took me forever to update, but now here is the next chapter! Love ya all!_

_

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__They went to a little nice diner. At least it was warm in there and they could grab something to eat. _

_"Hey, you never actually told me your name kid. So what´s your name?"_

_"It´s Jess."_

_"Okay Jess, are you hungry?"_

_"Not really."_

_"But you have to eat something, you´re really thin." she pointed out. Jess only glared at her and raised an eyebrow. She really was a weird girl._

_"Geez okay, I´ll take some fries."_

_"Yay okay, so fries it is." She said happily. _

_There was something about her that made Jess smile. Normally he wasn´t around people who where happy. Angry, sad, afraid, yes, but never happy._

_"...what happened?" she interupted Jess in his thoughts. _

_"Huh what?" _

_"You said you don´t want to go home, so I asked you what happened."_

_"I don´t want to talk about it." Jess said defensily._

_"Is it really that bad? Or is it just your hormones that are angry at your parents?"_

_"You have no idea. And I only have one parent, my mum." _

_"Oh sorry."_

_"No problem."_

_"But something is defenitely wrong with you. No normal kid would sleep outside at night in the freezing hell. Maybe your mother is worried sick about you."_

_"Don´t think so. She is still at work and don´t even know I´m not at home."_

_"She leaves you alone at home tonight?"_

_"No. My stepfather is at home. Not that it makes the whole situatian easier." He mumbled the last part. _

_"You don´t like him much, huh?" she stated._

_"That´s a big understatement. I hate him. He isn´t good for us."_

_He thought a moment. Should he tell this girl what´s happening? Maybe she could protect him? No, she can´t. No one could stop this man from doing these things to him. Only his mother could, but she doesn´t even know what´s going on. If she knew it would break her heart. So he kept it a secret. She was so happy now. And he loved to see her smile. She wasn´t this happy since his dad left. She was crying every night. Until she met Ryan. _

_That was the happiest day for her. And the worst for Jess._

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_Hope you liked it, reviews appreciated ;)_


	7. Author´s Note

Hey everyone! sorry I haven´t updated since forever, but I´m redoing this story and working on 3 other stories, which takes a lot of time. I´m not a big fan of oneshots and that´s why it´s taking so much time. I hope you´ll wait for me to read the new stories. love ya all, but mostly my mommy hxc nerd. love and miss ya hun.


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